Last year Jackson's cake was easy. He was only 1 and couldn't care less about his cake. Plus it was only Brian, Beth (Jackson's great-nana) and I for his actual birthday, so y'know not many people there to look and judge, lol! And I knew this cake was just going to be demolished and finally thrown on the floor. I made two cakes. One for Jackson that he could go to town on and one for the rest of us. That way no one had to eat cake off the floor.
See how pretty/ugly it was? 
Doesn't he look so appreciative? Not dubious at all.
"Okay Maybe I'll give it a try. Just to humour you Mommy."
"Okay, I'm done with the cake! Stop taking pictures of me!"
"I said NO more pictures woman!"
"Look Daddy, look at the mess I made!"For his birthday party we had flown back to Ontario to celebrate it with both sides of the family. My sister made him an awesome construction themed cake!
Each kid at the party got a cupcake and the adults had the cake. There were crushed oreo cookies all over the cake. Mmmmm....
So this year the pressure is on! I started looking for a cake that I would make a week or two ago. I finally settled on a Mega block cake. Let me clarify that. I narrowed it down to about 5 different cakes and polled a bunch of people. Most people liked a round cake that had circles/dots all over it since his party is going to be held in a play center. But Brian told me 'Oh, without a doubt you HAVE to do the mega block one'. Since that was the one I was sort of leaning toward, I decided I'd go with his choice and make the mega block cake. Here's how it should look.
(from Betty Crocker)
So this year the pressure is on! I started looking for a cake that I would make a week or two ago. I finally settled on a Mega block cake. Let me clarify that. I narrowed it down to about 5 different cakes and polled a bunch of people. Most people liked a round cake that had circles/dots all over it since his party is going to be held in a play center. But Brian told me 'Oh, without a doubt you HAVE to do the mega block one'. Since that was the one I was sort of leaning toward, I decided I'd go with his choice and make the mega block cake. Here's how it should look.
(from Betty Crocker)
Cute right? This cute little Mega block cake is now referred to as the Goddamn Piece of Shit cake in our household. What was I thinking? Oh, it'll be fun to make his cake! How hard can it be? It's just a 9x13 cake cut into cubes with half marshmallows stuck on top. Umm... I SUCK at icing cakes. I think I might be a little 'special' when it comes to something as easy as icing a freaking cake. I am now working on my third trial cake. I have to make the real ones tomorrow. TOMORROW! Anyone want to place some wagers on whether I am running out to the bakery tomorrow night to buy a premade crappy cake with nauseating icing roses plastered on the sides?
The first trial was making a blue cake. See the pretty blue in the photo? Well, I bought some colour gels to make vibrant colours. I bought the 'primary colour pack'. It has a blue, red, yellow and brown. Brown? Since when is brown a primary colour? Anyways, I mixed some of the blue gel into the icing. It was pastel blue. I added more. It was a richer pastel blue. I could not get it to be a bright blue. When I think of primary colours I do not think of 'sky blue' I think of royal blue or bright blue. Whatever, I decided to just go with it. I had researched how to ice a cake (yes, I researched it). I knew to freeze the cake then do a crumb coat, then do a thicker coat. That way I would not get any crumbs in the final coat of icing. Really? No crumbs? Really?!?! Let's just say there were still some bleeping crumbs. And I could not get the final layer of icing smooth. And the marshmallows were a pain in the butt to ice. The icing would not stick to all of the marshmallows and the white showed through. In hindsight it might have been because of the floury coating that marshmallows have? Anyways, it was not pretty. Not horrible, but not pretty. I should note that I used a store bought cake and store bought icing for these trial cakes. My plan is to still use store bought cake for the birthday cake but to make my own icing. That's the plan anyways.
(see how lumpy? And the marshmallows need to be placed closer to the edges)
(this angle shows the horridness that is my icing ability)
The first trial was making a blue cake. See the pretty blue in the photo? Well, I bought some colour gels to make vibrant colours. I bought the 'primary colour pack'. It has a blue, red, yellow and brown. Brown? Since when is brown a primary colour? Anyways, I mixed some of the blue gel into the icing. It was pastel blue. I added more. It was a richer pastel blue. I could not get it to be a bright blue. When I think of primary colours I do not think of 'sky blue' I think of royal blue or bright blue. Whatever, I decided to just go with it. I had researched how to ice a cake (yes, I researched it). I knew to freeze the cake then do a crumb coat, then do a thicker coat. That way I would not get any crumbs in the final coat of icing. Really? No crumbs? Really?!?! Let's just say there were still some bleeping crumbs. And I could not get the final layer of icing smooth. And the marshmallows were a pain in the butt to ice. The icing would not stick to all of the marshmallows and the white showed through. In hindsight it might have been because of the floury coating that marshmallows have? Anyways, it was not pretty. Not horrible, but not pretty. I should note that I used a store bought cake and store bought icing for these trial cakes. My plan is to still use store bought cake for the birthday cake but to make my own icing. That's the plan anyways.
(see how lumpy? And the marshmallows need to be placed closer to the edges)
(this angle shows the horridness that is my icing ability)And before I get all these replies about how it's just a birthday cake, and he's only 2, no one will care what the cake looks like, blah blah blah. Just remember who you are talking to. I am a perfectionist when I set my mind on something. And you better believe my mind is set on this cake.
So on to the second trial cake. This time I had read up on how to get smoother icing. I knew what I had to do. I was optimistic. This time the cake would be beautiful. Mmmm hmmmm. I decided to give the 'Christmas Red' icing a shot. Sadly, I do not have a picture of this one (I'll explain why in a minute). I added some gel to the icing. It was pink. I added more. Still pink, this time brighter. I added even more gel. Now it was hot pink. I am not kidding. HOT PINK! Barbie would have loved it. I added a bit more. Still hot pink. The colour was not changing at all. So fine, screw it, I'll make a hot pink freaking mega block cake for my two year old BOY. I did the thin layer of icing to crumb coat it. Crumbs everywhere, mixed in with the hot pink icing. Pretty. Then I had to let it sit out so that the icing would set and I could do my final layer. As it sat out I decided to treat myself to some of the cake that I had cut off (to make the top flat). I iced that with some of the hot pink icing. It was horrible! The icing had this nasty bitter taste to it (from too much red food colouring). Fantastic. Not only does it look horrible, but it tastes worse! Fine, so we wouldn't eat this trial cake, I was still going to practice my icing abilities on it tho. I'd just go back to the store and get the 'no-taste red' icing gel. After leaving the hot pink monstrosity on the counter for about an hour I thought 'it has to be set by now, I'll go ice it'. Nope. The icing was still completely soft. I guess maybe the copious amounts of colour gel might have changed the chemical makeup of the icing. Right? Sounds logical doesn't it? At this point I was fed up with the stupid cake and decided to go shopping.
I got home hours later to find that the top of the cake was now practically icing free. Hmmm... how could that have happened. I warned Brian not to be concerned if one of the cats poops some hot pink poop soon. And that is why there is no photo of it.
Now today I'm working on trial cake 3 of the Goddamn Piece of Shit cake. I'm attempting yellow. So far the colour is fantastic. I decided to make my own frosting today instead of using the store bought stuff. I go into the cupboard to get the icing sugar, needing about 3 cups of it. Yeah, I had barely 1.5 cups. Fine, I'll just make half the amount, I shouldn't need that much anyway. I did the crumb coat about an hour ago. The icing is still runny on it. I think maybe I added too much milk but don't have any more icing sugar to firm it up. It really is getting comical now.
I will update later with the final cake. Who wants to place bets on whether it is a mega blocks cake or a store bought one?
So on to the second trial cake. This time I had read up on how to get smoother icing. I knew what I had to do. I was optimistic. This time the cake would be beautiful. Mmmm hmmmm. I decided to give the 'Christmas Red' icing a shot. Sadly, I do not have a picture of this one (I'll explain why in a minute). I added some gel to the icing. It was pink. I added more. Still pink, this time brighter. I added even more gel. Now it was hot pink. I am not kidding. HOT PINK! Barbie would have loved it. I added a bit more. Still hot pink. The colour was not changing at all. So fine, screw it, I'll make a hot pink freaking mega block cake for my two year old BOY. I did the thin layer of icing to crumb coat it. Crumbs everywhere, mixed in with the hot pink icing. Pretty. Then I had to let it sit out so that the icing would set and I could do my final layer. As it sat out I decided to treat myself to some of the cake that I had cut off (to make the top flat). I iced that with some of the hot pink icing. It was horrible! The icing had this nasty bitter taste to it (from too much red food colouring). Fantastic. Not only does it look horrible, but it tastes worse! Fine, so we wouldn't eat this trial cake, I was still going to practice my icing abilities on it tho. I'd just go back to the store and get the 'no-taste red' icing gel. After leaving the hot pink monstrosity on the counter for about an hour I thought 'it has to be set by now, I'll go ice it'. Nope. The icing was still completely soft. I guess maybe the copious amounts of colour gel might have changed the chemical makeup of the icing. Right? Sounds logical doesn't it? At this point I was fed up with the stupid cake and decided to go shopping.
I got home hours later to find that the top of the cake was now practically icing free. Hmmm... how could that have happened. I warned Brian not to be concerned if one of the cats poops some hot pink poop soon. And that is why there is no photo of it.
Now today I'm working on trial cake 3 of the Goddamn Piece of Shit cake. I'm attempting yellow. So far the colour is fantastic. I decided to make my own frosting today instead of using the store bought stuff. I go into the cupboard to get the icing sugar, needing about 3 cups of it. Yeah, I had barely 1.5 cups. Fine, I'll just make half the amount, I shouldn't need that much anyway. I did the crumb coat about an hour ago. The icing is still runny on it. I think maybe I added too much milk but don't have any more icing sugar to firm it up. It really is getting comical now.
I will update later with the final cake. Who wants to place bets on whether it is a mega blocks cake or a store bought one?
2 comments:
Thanks for the giggle. I completely understand how frustrating it is when you have your mind made up about doing something and it doesn't work out. Best of luck with the final cake and I look forward to seeing the end result!
Ohhhhhh - Funny, I'm still drying my tears! At least this cake looked like it had a bit of height to it (not like a previous "lite" cake I've seen). Perhaps cake making isn't your forte? But - I can understand and appreciate your determination. Thanks for sharing your story. We all wish we could have been there to share all the cakes (maybe not the barbie-pink yucky cat-cake though). ...me!
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